So, I know it's been a while, but it's kind of hard to write my blogs when I don't get much feedback.
Even me with my big mouth and propensity to shout obscenities into thin air, needs to know someone's occasionally paying attention!
(Maybe leave a comment to let me know you read this? Even if you don't agree with my thoughts? Pleeeeez???)
So, regardless of whether you comment or not, I had to vent today about an absolute a**hole who applied to join our program.
A**hole? Meh, actually, try monster instead.
Dave, his name was, and when his application came in, I read it with a big smile. A chocolate lab and a Dane... I was like 'bring it ON!'
It's like Christmas, birthday and the tooth fairy all at once isn't it? We really do love us a big dog here at The DD Ranch. Especially if they're a doofus.
So last week, after reading his application, I called him to chat about what his needs were, ask about when he was looking to travel and to explain what our program is all about...how we are a calm, gentle place for dogs, a relationship based family set-up with the need for regular visits to foster trust and friendship between us and the dog. You know, the usual things.
About five minutes in, I was thinking "God, what a nice fella! He sounds super personable, his dogs sound lovely, I'm so glad he applied!"
A regular traveller in his work for a massive global computer company, who also does some work for his local city, he was super excited about having a home-from-home for his dogs when he was called away, and seemed to tick every box.
And then it happened.
We got on to the subject of pinch, choke and shock collars, my favorite soapbox.
It's a question either Kris or myself ask every single applicant, because the answer tells us everything we need to know about a person.
As you all know, we will not have anything to do with anyone who uses either one, trains with either one or even HAS used either one.
If someone has to torture their dog to get compliance, how can we possibly have a relationship with them? Let alone the damage the use of such things does to the dog's brain and body. These awful contraptions pretty much remove the dogs' ability to think logically in extremely stressful moments, which in turn puts every other dog at risk. Ahhh...don't get me started.
Dave was quick to tell me that he doesn't use either of these and has never had to, and so I started to relax and even felt a warm glow spreading through all my dangly bits, until he finished his sentence.
"I've never had to use them because they know if they set one foot out of line they're gonna get spanked."
"I'm sorry... wh...wh...what?"
"Yes, they get spanked if they put a foot out of line. I'm not afraid to beat my dogs."
You know how you get that moment when realization hits in slo-mo, and you go from feeling enthusiastic about something to all of a sudden your insides turn cold?
Yep, that's where I went. Took me about 4 or 5 seconds of stuttering and opening and closing my mouth like a goldfish before I could even get the words out.
"You beat your dogs? Actually beat them?"
"Yep."
I was at a loss for all but four words.
"What a f***ing asshole".
And then I slammed the phone down.
I had to, I had all kinds of other words gushing forth from the pit of my stomach and none of them any more ladylike than what I'd already said.
He tried to call me back a few times and finally, when I answered on the 5th attempt, he said "Hi there, seems like we got cut off. Where were we?"
To which I replied "You were telling me that you beat your dogs to discipline them, so I called you a f*cking asshole to let you know that anyone who bullies poor, defenseless animals is literally a f*cking asshole. I'm so sorry, but we don't entertain f*cking assholes at our business. Don't call me again."
I know, I know, there were a million different things I could have said to him.
I could have been all professional and tried to reason with him.
I could have explained to him why hitting and beating dogs makes them frightened of him, and potentially ALL humans, and how that anxiety always, always, always leads to behaviors that put everyone around him and indeed, he himself, in danger.
But nah...I'm afraid I reverted to the age old wisdom of 'bullies need someone to stand up to them'.
If you beat your dog, and especially when you talk about it unashamedly with not a hint of remorse, almost like you're a bit of a stud for doing so, then someone needs to lay it out for you, and so I did.
So if you're out there, Dave from not-a-million-miles away, or even if you know this guy, tell him that karma is a real thing. What you do always comes back to bite you in the ass.
And dear God I hope your two big dogs get you good and proper in your ass...and your gonads.
Dave, you are our Dick of the Week.